What's for dinner?

Various type of vegetables (steamed and served in the chinese bamboo steamer), steamed fish (chinese style), miso soup (home cooked) and brown rice.

We usually have this once a week for dinner. I will use whatever vegetables that are in season, and the fish (white fish or salmon) will either be steamed or grilled. Miso soup is very easy to prepare and I like to cook it in various types of combination - sliced okra with tofu, dried beancurd with spring onion, tofu with wakame (a kind of seaweed), or just with mini clams. The list can go on as there are so many things you can add into the miso soup.

I like to serve this dinner in individual portions on a bamboo tray (I'm such a sucker for packaging). The serving in this picture is for one. Just look at how pleased my husband was with his dinner!

Perhaps it's about time for a medal

So I have finally watched the movie Sex and The City 2 last Saturday. Wasn't looking forward to the plot (they really should have wrapped up the series with the first movie in my opinion) but which gal can resist the clothes, bags, shoes and all the glamour? The storyline was really just blah but there was a part where Charlotte and Miranda were having a drink by the bar and sharing their downs about motherhood that struck a chord with me.

In the movie, Charlotte was suppressing her frustrations of being a mother with a 5 year old and a 2 year old who were always crying. Miranda emphatized by sharing how despite loving her son dearly, she missed working and being a mother wasn't enough for her. Charlotte then went on to reveal how her girls drove her crazy everyday and sometimes she would just run into a seperate room and leave her 2 year old to cry by herself.

Watching this scene brought a tear to my eyes. I felt as though I had met some good friends who were in the same predicament as me and totally understand how I have been feeling for the past 3 years. Don't get me wrong. I love my son dearly and will never give him up for anything. I am happy and proud to be a mother, but there were times when stress got into me and I would seriously want to just tear my hair out.

Aiden was a very challenging baby for the first year of his life. It didn't help that he was a little colicky and the condition settled down when he was about 4 months old. To make this worse, he was a baby that didn't require much sleep day AND night. In fact, he really only started sleeping through the night when he was about 2.

I used to tell people that my baby didn't cry. He screamed. I can really relate to what Charlotte said in the movie about how she left her girl to cry sometimes. I did that too. In fact, I begged for Aiden to stop screaming when he was a baby. My husband was at work and my mum wasn't with me. I was stuck at home with the screaming monster and I was exhausted. So I begged him to stop crying. When he didn't, I went into another room, locked myself inside and cried too.

Being a mother is a very humbling experience. It let you discover things you never knew about yourself. Before Aiden came along, all I had was my life and my career. Everything was about me. I knew motherhood was going to be challenging but I didn't know it was that hard. I felt I had lost control over everything. I could not manage Aiden and also struggeled with breastfeeding. I missed my job and my life. In the first few months, I fell into postnatal blues. I wasn't suicidal on a daily basis but at my lowest, I did think of throwing myself out of the windows of my 16th floor apartment with my baby. I have had my fair share of ups and downs in my life but for the first time, I was struggling with something. I had kinda lost control of myself. I knew I had a problem but seeking professional help wasn't what I felt I needed. I wanted to rely on what was left of my rational mind and bring out the resilience in me that I had lost along the way in that first year of motherhood. By the time Aiden turned 1, I was on the road to being my normal self again.

Today, I am proud to say that I have come a very long way. Living in a foreign land (where you don't even speak the language) and away from friends and family is much harder than one can imagine. From a career driven woman who was quite a domestic disaster at home, I am now able to juggle housework, spend time with my son and need only an hour for preparing dinner from cooking to cleaning up.

So the reason for this post? Well I am finally at the stage where I can confidently say I am comfortable and happy with where I am. But I know me. Being a mother is fufilling but not enough. Sometimes I need a break from the role and remember what makes me as a person. I am a woman with many interests and I like to live my life with passion. Writing this blog is enjoyable and it gives me a platform to share what I love with people that are dear to me. It is also a constant reminder to never lose myself again. Living a balanced and fulfilling life while juggling my roles (as a wife, mother and daughter) and pursing my interests is what I strive for at this point of my life.

Now going back to the movie, Charlotte said she wondered how some women can do without help as a housewife and a mother (she had a full time and lived-in nanny). I nudged my husband at that point and asked if I could have a medal.

Ikebana: Peach Blossom

Did this ikebana arrangement sometime back. It was the beginning of Spring in japan and peach blossom was in season.





*sorry for the bad photos. I suck at photography.

As a chinese, I wouldn't normally put peach blossom flowers in my house because it means inviting love. It is fine if you are single but when you are married and not supposedly available in the market, bringing these flowers home may bring you unsolicited love. But oh well, my Sensei from the ikebana school prepared these lovely seasonal flowers for me to arrange so how could I say no to her?

Can I ever afford this?

Hermes Birkin 35 in calf leather. Love the orange colour.

Or even this?



Hermes Kelly 32 (the cheaper cousin of birkin) in blue jean togo.

Now, where can I get the money? Robbing the bank is out of the question. Maybe I should just sell a kidney away....

My little Fashionista

From the time he was about 18 months old, Aiden started (out of nowhere) to develop a keen interest in fashion. I know that toddlers tend to want control and independence at some stage of their growth and they usually begin with choosing their own outfits. But from what I have read, this normally happen when they are about 2 or 3 years of age. Wanting a say in the choice of clothing at the age of 18 months is definitely waayyyy too early so you can imagine how much Aiden has been driving me crazy for the past 16 months.

Every morning, Aiden wants to get changed into his day clothes as soon as he gets out of bed. And I mean literally as soon as. He pulls out his drawer and start talking to himself, deliberating on what to wear for the day. It is now summer in Japan and the weather has been progressingly hot and humid. But he ONLY wants to wear long trousers (god knows why). In fact, he only wants to wear this particular pair of jeans because, according to him, it is long and blue. At the moment, he is into the prints of skulls and ninjas so he will only wear t-shirts with these designs on. And previously for a long period of time, Aiden's favourite colour was yellow and he wanted to wear his one and only yellow t-shirt everywhere he went. He got really upset whenever that t-shirt had to be washed. Oh, and he always matched the t-shirt with his yellow shoes coz, well, they matched.

I have wasted quite a fair bit of money on clothes and shoes that ended at the bottom of his closet and never seeing daylight just because he did not approve of them. And frankly, I can still put up with all these until recently, when he started to poke his nose into MY DRESSING too! I'm serious! Lately, I haven't been able to leave the house unless he agrees with what I wear. In fact, he makes his wishes clear to me before I even get the chance to go through my wardrobe. He will tell me that I should wear a dress for the day. Or that I should also wear a red t-shirt because he was wearing one too. If I dare go against his wishes, a huge tantrum (that includes tears and rolling around on the floor) will happen over the next 10 minutes. Somedays I just have to do as he says if we are in a rush and I do not have the time to argue with him. It is easier that way.

The other day, his interference in my dressing got to a new high point. We were getting ready to go to the park and he was already prepared with his shoes on and waiting for me at the door. As I was walking towards the door, I noticed that he was carrying a pair of shoes in his arms. My strappy, shiny, gold stilettos! I was in t-shirt and shorts by the way.

"Mummy, you should wear these today. They are pretty."

Can someone please kill me?

Billie Holiday - The Man I Love

I love good music. I listen to pretty much everything, well, except trance, techno and heavy metal. Give me reggae, new age, soul and jazz anytime. I like reggae when I wanna dance (strange I know - that's me), new age when I'm alone and feel like doing nothing, soul and jazz when I'm chilling with a book and a wine. A couple of years ago, I was obsessed with bossa nova (a type of jazz) until I got sick of listening to "Girl from Ipanema". Nowadays, I prefer contemporay jazz pieces still with a hint of bossa style and are great for chilling out. And on late nights when the 2 boys in my life are sleeping and I'm enjoying peace infront of the computer and surfing the web, I like to listen to classic american jazz.

Amongst all american jazz singers, Billie Holiday got to be my favourite. She came from the same generation as Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald, and was often compared with the latter. But I like Billie Holiday for her distinct, jazzy and bluey vocals. That to me represents the classic American jazz from the 30s. Her most iconic song got to be "Summertime" (although she wasn't the first jazz singer to sing that) but my personal favourite is her version of "The Man I Love"that she recorded in the late 30s. Enjoy.

Bento Update: Little People

Rice balls with potato fish cakes and salad (spinach and radish).

I know the eyes of the little faces are too small but hey, I'm still trying to polish up my skills in cutting nori (dried seaweed). These little faces are very challenging and I really don't have that much time in the morning perfecting the skills in making them handsome. As you can see, I threw in a bear as I got too tired fom cutting 2 faces.

Recipe for potato fish cakes

• boil chunks of pototoes (peeled).
• once the pototes are soft enough to be mashed, add sea salt (just a pinch to taste)
• mash the potatoes
• while potatoes are boiling, chop or grate whatever vegetables you would like to add into the mash later. I usually grate some carrots, chopped spring onion and broccoli.
• add canned tuna or salmon (make sure there are no bones) into the mashed potato. No need to drain the canned fish as the oil will help to bind the mixture into patties.
• add chopped vegetables into the potato and fish mixture.
• mix well and shape into patties (I make them very small and bite-sized for Aiden's easy handling at school). If the mixture does not bind very well, you may have to add in a beaten egg.
• coat the patties in breadcrumbs. Panfry in olive oil or bake them in the oven (a healthier option but I do not have the time to bake these in the morning).

A very healthy dish for growing toddlers and you can hide any vegetables in it! One of Aiden's favourites.